Jake's Pix and Thoughts

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This is a unique page devoted to one visitor we will call "Jake." He was couragous enough to send not only his photos but some of his deepest thoughts about his penis size. No matter what your size, we think you will benefit from reading this detailed narrative - and seeing the variety of pictures later on the page. Be sure to read and scroll all the way to the end of this page (it's long) and see what happened after he sent in his pictures.

age 57, height 5 ft. 7 in., weight 175, flaccid length 1.5 in., erect length 3.75 in.

Hi, I think your site is great, so helpful. I wish there had been something like this around years ago. Another guy and I have been working our way through our feelings about being small.

I am around 4 inches erect, and have always been very obsessed about it. I remembered that a woman told me about a book for people who have Anorexia Nervosa (The dieting sickness). It was called "It". I haven't seen it, but she described it to me. It was a picture book. On each page it had a picture of the woman with a little monster sitting on her shoulder. She said: "It is time to eat, but It tells me I'm fat." Etc. She said, you usually think that these thoughts are your own, and it is hard to fight them. But if you realize that the thoughts are coming from an “it”, an outside source then you can fight them. That is like me! I have an "it" on my shoulder. That tells me lies about myself, and is trying to destroy me. I am going to choose to fight this "it".

During the day, I was thinking, Why don’t the books and the internet show guys with small penises? Why do they all look like they are 7 or 8 inches? When boys (and men) look at the books, and find they are considerably smaller than “normal/average” they begin to doubt themselves. I was angry at the books and the internet, it was THEIR fault. Why were we left alone, with no one to say, here I am, there a plenty like you? You’ll survive. To help us put it all in perspective

I went to see the Twin Towers (second movie of the Lord of the Rings). About 2 thirds of the way through the movie I started crying. Frodo (this small guy) is the hero. He is small but he is doing great things. Things that even the larger characters in the movie are not able to do. It dawned on me, It is not how big your penis is that makes you a man. It is not even how you use your penis (although that is better). It is how big your heart is that makes you a man.

Why don’t the books and the internet show guys with small penises?. Because the guys with small penises are all sitting in the corner staring at their small dicks, and feeling powerless and sorry for themselves! That’s why! They are so busy trying to make sure that no looks at them, and no one laughs at them, that they can not be a help to anyone. It would be better that other people suffer, than that they go through the pain of being laughed at even for a moment. They are paralysed by fear that someone will laugh at them. And so they leave all the young boys and men who are below average stranded, to survive as best as they can by themselves, to feel like they are the only ones on the planet with a small penis.

I can hide in the corner my whole life, and it won’t make it any bigger, and it won’t make the pain go away. In fact it will probably make the pain worse! If I have to bear this burden of this little penis, then I am going to make it count, I am going to make it “redemptive”.

Joni Tada-Ericksen (broken neck, and in a wheel chair) writes books that helps millions of people who are suffering. Steve Reeves (Superman) also in a wheel chair helps handicapped people. Sitting in the corner trying to protect myself is not a worthy life. No body makes movies about lives like that! Frodo didn’t sit in a corner, he did something for other people, it wasn’t easy, but it was important. Enough! I am finished, feeling sorry for myself. I am finished listening to “the it on my shoulder whispering lies in my ear.” (the obsession, my demon, whatever you want to call it).

Again from the Twin Towers, the King of Rohan (Théodin maybe?) has an advisor named “Worm tongue” who fills his mind with self doubts, makes him old and powerless. When Worm Tongue is cast aside, the king becomes, young, strong and brave again. I’ve got my own Worm Tongue, and I am through listening to him. I am going to email erectionphotos, and tell them what a great site they have. And it is great to have people in their gallery whose penis are on the smaller side, because it is really frightening if everyone they see in all the books and in the galleries is much bigger than you are. My penis is 3 ¾ inches long, and I am willing to send photos of myself. So maybe some 8 incher looks at my 3 ½ inch penis and laughs. So what! I think most normal and well endowed men have a lot better things to do than sit around looking at guys with small penises (like they might look at girls!), and they wouldn’t have an obsession about size like we do, so it wouldn’t be such an issue for them. Second, if that is all that a person has to do in life then I feel sorry for Him.

I can’t believe how much better I feel since I decided this. It is like a black cloud is lifted. I didn’t realize how much this was poisoning my life. I don’t think it really matters whether they put my pictures in their gallery or not. What maters is that I decided not to listen any more, and that I am willing to post the picture. I am not afraid. I think that is what broke its power. I am sure it will try to come back again, I’ll be somewhere and see someone will whip out a big penis. If I have lived a life-time with this obsession, I can’t expect it to be over instantly. But Martin Luther once said “you can’t stop the birds from flying over your head, but you don’t have to let them build a nest in your hair.” So maybe I will have moments when I think that way again, but I have broken its power once, I can do it again. I’m not going back to the corner. I hope what I have written makes sense to you. I know it is pretty emotional.

  
As a child it never occurred to me to feel bad about my penis. It was only after I took gang showers at school, and then looked in books. The books said, "don't worry everyone thinks they are small, but average is between 6-7 inches. Some are even 5 inches! At 4 inches, people like me didn't even exist! I was a freak!
This has to stop. This is a culturally created problem (we give everyone all the so called facts and figures, and pictures, but the information is not based on facts, and is often presented in destructive ways to people on the smaller side), and I don't want us to keep on hurting future generations. I don't want this to happen to my grandchildren.

I think this sort of thinking becomes an obsession, that is it becomes unrealistic thinking, like someone with anorexia nervosa who looks in the mirror and sees themselves as FAT when the rest of the world would see them as deathly thin. That is why in some of the writing I have called it an "IT", because I find it helps me/us fight the thinking if we realize that it is not us, but has a life of its own. So in a change room, ""IT" says I am the smallest person here, there is no one else as small as me." When in reality a video camera would show that that are a number of people in the room just as small or smaller. One of the challenges in helping people with this "IT" is that I look at the small penises on your site and think "OH thank goodness, I am not the only one on the planet", but then I also take a peak at the bigger ones, and when I leave, I have forgotten about the small, and only remember the big! That is not your sites fault, it is a problem in "us". But it does make "us" hard to help. And of course finally "we" have to take responsibility for our thoughts, and choosing what we are going to let ourselves think about. And that is challenging, but I think it is a winnable war. :-)

 
 
I wonder how accurate my eyes are. I think I look for the big penises and ignore the small? I think my eyes are like a compass. In a room of 20 if some were small and some big, I think my eyes would hone in on the big and ignore the small. And I would leave the room thinking that they are ALL bigger than me, even though some in the room would have been small, possibly even smaller than me (Okay, I probably need a lot more than 20 in a room for there to be a statistical chance for someone to be smaller than me, but you know what I mean). It's like THEY don't count. THEY are not the ones I am "competing" against. I don't want to be like them. I look at the smaller guys on your site, but then I look at the big ones too, and huge also, even though I shouldn't. And will probably hurt myself doing that. Why would I do such a thing, even though I know it would not be helpful, it would hurt me?

I notice my son is the same with money. He tells me that NO ONE at school is as poor as we are. (We are not poor at all, I have an average to just under average income, and my wife works part time). I know that many of his friends families would be much worse off than we are. But of course one of his friends was given a car by her parents, and lives in a separate penthouse next to her parents! That is the one he compares himself with! It is easy to see how warped my sons eyes are, it is a lot harder to see how warped my own are. I find it a struggle to realize that what I think I see, and think is not accurate, is not what a video camera would see.
  
A doctor once said to me (when I was obsessing about the about how small my penis was). What's a good penis? A penis only has three purposes.
1. To take a leak (pee).
2. To ejaculate.
3. To make babies.
Any penis that does all those things is a GREAT penis. I wasn't very impressed at the time. But later I went through a time when I was loosing my erection making love, and then even masturbating! (I was low on testosterone). I was absolutely miserable. I would have given anything to be able to function again! I wanted "my old penis" back. Another time I had a prostate infection, was going all the time, and having trouble going. Again I was desperate. I just wanted "my old penis" back. Well, by those standards, I've got a GREAT penis. (I'm just not very grateful!). I guess I am in conflict with myself. What I know and what I feel are at war with each other.
I was thinking about other challenges that I faced due to small size:
1. Condoms fell off. I didn't know what the problem was. Years later I discovered that there are different sizes and that 49 cm (metric in Australia, don't know the US size). (regular is 54 cm) would stay on. But then I couldn't feel much because of circumcision, so ended up taking it off.
2. Positions. The only position that I can think of is "missionary". Anything else work for you?
3. Of course PE was a nightmare. But I tried not to hide, and act normal. If thought the guys that hid got in more trouble, I laughed with them if I did get teased, but it hurt on the inside, but it didn't actual happen very often, I guess it was really more in my mind than it was in their mind.
4. I have six children, so size doesn't seem to mater much in that area.
 
 
Life is like a card game, you have to play the cards that you are dealt. There is no point in whingeing (whining) about my short suit (my smaller than average penis), these are the cards I have to play. The skill is in playing the cards the best you can. My grandfather was a great bridge player. He never complained about the cards he received, he just played them the best he possibly could. And often when I had a GREAT hand, he still beat me with a poor hand, because he played his hand well, and made everything he had count. Recently, I have decided, that I have to play the cards that I am dealt. I will be judged on how I play the cards I have been dealt, and I am going to play them the best I can. My kids are watching me, my friends are watching me, God is watching me.

Okay, so the same thing applies to penis size. (and my testicles which you have so helpfully pointed out are not “normal size”). There is no point in complaining that others have bigger penises and testicles (or different shaped glanses (pl?) than I do. So I don’t have an Ace of spades (8 inches), so I don’t even have a King, or a Queen, not even a Jack. I have other Aces up my sleeve. The rule in Bridge is that you lead with your strong suit, but I have been playing life wrong, I have been leading with my weak suit. I have been focusing on my “short suit” for the last 45 years. I have some wonderful “long suits” but somehow I have let this one “short suit” paralyse me.

So I have a short suit, everybody does. No one can have all long suits. I have a job I love, I have a wife and 6 great children, I am a friendly person with a lots of friends, I am respected, I have more than enough money to live. My penis size (testicle and glans) is irrelevant. Men and women can see my long and short suits, and decide for themselves whether to like me or not. Sure if I ever went into a relationship with another woman I would warn her that I am small before we had sex, that way if it was incredibly important to her she could back out. But if she did back out, I would be disappointed in myself that I had picked such a shallow person. I refuse to obsess about it any more. I know that I will see big people, and I will be tempted to start obsessing again. But I am going to resist the temptation as best as I can, and if I fall, I’ll pick myself up afterwards.

Famous prayer:
God give me the grace to change what I can change
To accept what I cannot change
And the wisdom to know the difference.

It is something I cannot change by obsessing, any more than I could by measuring. I quit measuring, I can quit obsessing. There are many people in the world who would gladly change places with me, that’s it! I refuse to keep focusing on my the size of my penis Of course I haven’t been tested myself yet, whether I am really ready to live in this or not. I know for sure I am ready to WANT to live here. I am tired of living in this self-made prison, limiting myself my short suit.

When things go wrong in my life (wife and I not getting on, no sex, failure at work etc) then I have an almost overwhelming desire to have a bigger penis. I dream it would fix everything, my wife would desire me, all men who admire me. It sounds silly now, but when feeling like that it is very hard to think right.

What are my options, and why don't I take them?

1. Operation.
The one I dream about most is an operation. It promises SO much, an extra inch or two! Incredible. (The Michael Jackson syndrome!)
But, all operations have side affects.
Example 1. My wife had a "successful" back operation. According to the X-ray all the bones are in place, but there is scar tissue and the nerves are pinched in the scar tissue and she is in constant pain.
Example 2. I had a "successful" vasectomy. But I now have a cyst on my right testicles, the right testicle has atrophied, and I get a testosterone injection every three weeks.
I tell my self, "I have a working mode penis." Working is better than looks. I could end up with cut nerves, or painful erections due to scar tissue. Besides I doubt there could be 2 inches of penis hidden in my body. (Maybe that would be true for some who has six inches.) I'd probably only gain 1/2 inch, and the risk is too high. So I won't let anyone with a knife near my penis. If it ain't broke, don't fix it! So I resist the temptation.

2. Jelqing (milking) pulling and vacuum pumps.
I tried jelqing and pulling for two weeks. But I ended up with a variclous vein just above the sculus (neck) of the penis, it burned. I stopped and it went away after a few days. Maybe smaller penises have thinner tissues and are more prone to damage? Erections are amazingly complex things, I don't want to do anything that wrecks the system. A working model is better than a messed up penis.

3. All I do now is trim the pubic hair (I cut about 3/4 off). At least what I have isn't hidden by the hair.

So when things go wrong, it is better to focus on the real problem instead of dreaming that a bigger penis would fix the problem. Everyone wants to be loved for who they are, not what's between their legs. Strange as it may seem to those of us less well endowed, even most of those with above average penises really want to be loved for who their are, and not their large appendages. If you were loved for your penis size or breast size, you would be pretty insecure, because there is always someone bigger, or smaller, thinner, or fatter. We all want someone who says "I love you, now we'll work out the best way to express our love sexually with whatever equipment you have." The extremes, large or small all present challenges. There are some positions smaller people can't use (rear entry, spoons etc, and condoms may be a problem), and there are positions larger people can't use (deep penetration positions, and condoms may be a problem). And of course our partners want the same from us. I love you, not your breast size. I guess that is finally the long and the short of it. I think this is the real truth, it is just are to remember when I see someone who is really big.

 
 

After sending the photos:

1. I have thought often about the pictures, and check my emails with anticipation and a bit of anxiety, knowing that one day I will receive an email saying that they are posted on the internet. ( I have even had the odd fearful thought, "suppose Joseph isn't trustworthy.")

2. What has really amazed me, is that since I have taken those photos I have never thought about being under-endowed. Now I must tell you that since I was 13 there has never been a day in my life that I did not think about being below average (actually in much more destructive terms than that). But I have not thought about it even once since I took the photos. I think this must be something that happened because of the photos, perhaps it is like a person with a phobia patting a snake, or holding a spider?

3. Also there is someone at my work who has been a bully for the last 6-7 years. I am actually his supervisor, but I have never been able to deal with him. Last week I took my chairman and challenged him about how he was hurting those he was supposed to be leading. And then I went alone to meet with him and 6 of his supporters. And I told him I would write a new job description for him that would clearly show how he was to treat people. He resigned. Now I can't say for sure that this was a result of taking the pictures, but this has happened before, and I have backed down every time over the last 6-7 years. It sure seems like something has changed. -Jake

After seeing the photos posted:

The pictures look normal, that is quite amazing. I have always felt that whenever someone else saw my penis, some sort of siren went off, like when you leave a department store without paying for the item, or lights flashed. Every head would turn to look. And then when they looked in my direction somehow, like in a cartoon, their eyes would zoom in and out on the size of my penis in shock. They didn't mean to do this, I was just so small that they couldn't help themselves. I guess I never analysed how unrealistic this feeling was, the feeling just overwhelmed me. I tried to be brave and not turn away or hide and ignore the feeling as much as I could. When my pictures were posted on this page, I was shocked to see myself from the outside. No sirens blew, no lights flashed, the penis didn't zoom in and out of close up view. I just saw a pretty boring body; hairy, pot belly, and small penis. But I didn't see the penis more than any other part of the body, it was just part of a body. I look just like plenty of other guys. I've seen lots of guys who look just like I do in change rooms. There's no drama, there's nothing to be afraid of. It has just all been my own private hell, of my own creating! Okay, so I am not as big as a lot of guys, but it is not newsworthy, any more than small hands, feet or being short. Yes, Joseph, now I know that I am normal. But something even more important than that has happened, I don't even know if there are words to describe the change. I have just walked out of a private hell. I doubt that you can understand how writing, and seeing the photos has helped me. The picture I had on the inside was totally out of touch with the real world.

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